Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
