I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize