I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
