she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
