I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
