i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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