Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
