woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
