Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
