Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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