He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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