lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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