In the future we'll all be gay
Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I was not drunk enough for that final.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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