ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
this hospital has no fireball
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
