lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
