New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
this just has baby written all over it
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
