I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
