If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
