My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
