dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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