When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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