I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
