he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
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