Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
