At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
