I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I think your dad took our porno
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
He did a backflip because drugs
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