I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
