Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
