12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
