i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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