My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
