I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
