I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
