Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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