i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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