My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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