I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
