i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
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