yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
