nut hugger
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
