my phone needs a breathalizer
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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