I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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