It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
