How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Randomize
