This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Randomize
