Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize