wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Randomize
