I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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