How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize