all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
