eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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