My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
