i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
