we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
