why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
