Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
