If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
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