He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
