dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
