Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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