I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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