The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
