i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize