that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
she told me i tasted like america
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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