I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
