I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
