everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
