Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
