john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Randomize
