i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
