i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I'm like, not good at living.
Randomize
