Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
