I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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