Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Randomize
